Personal value

 Do you ever wonder if you have "made a mark" with your life?

I've been retired for a couple of years now and I have found it a bit difficult. I've never had a hobby and I find I have a lot of time on my hands without a lot of interests, or interest, to fill it. This is only a problem in cold weather. I'm not fond of the cold. My feet and hands have always been sensitive to the cold, always cold and I've never been able to be kept them warm. I've never found a pair of gloves that would keep my hands warm and my crazy feet sweat, even in winter, and then get and stay cold. Therefore, I'm indoors more.

With the extra time, I find myself thinking a lot about life. I had a career that would be called successful. I trained as a mechanical engineer and I designed machines and tooling. I was laid off only one time in over fifty years of employment and then for only a relatively short time. I was good at my job but I was never able to enjoy my work. Designers solve problems and their success or failure is often determined by others. As a designer, I felt I was always susceptible to criticism. And, I was critical of myself as well.

The exception to this critical work environment was my tenure as a part-time instructor at the local university. I taught for over twenty years and it was more like a hobby than a job. As an instructor, I was given total responsibility for teaching a course. I was on my own with little or no supervision. I has support for the asking and confirmation of success was the offer of the next teaching contract. 

Over the years I interacted with hundreds, maybe thousands, of men and women. With every interaction there is an exchange between the participants. Ideas and ideals are shared, knowingly and unknowingly. Each person receives something from the other person(s) during the interaction. These exchanges are what makes a thinking person change in thought, word and deed. I always tried to keep what I learned from these interchanges to help make myself a better person. 

All that being said, I find myself wondering if I have been a positive influence on the persons I have come in contact with. I like to think so but I know full well that I was not totally successful. I had many failures due to temperament and ignorance. Some of those failures I was able to temper and maybe nullify with other, successful interchanges. But, I worry.